Valtteri Bottas Reveals Dark Side of F1 Obsession in Candid Personal Essay

Valtteri Bottas has opened up in a personal essay for The Players’ Tribune, offering a rare and scarily candid look into the Finnish F1 driver’s life. Touching on being what he described as “the most boring F1 driver in the world” to comparing his old obsessive mentality to that of a “drug addict”.

Detailing his rise from rural Nastola in Finland to becoming a multiple Grand Prix winner, Bottas didn’t hold back in revealing just how far that obsessive mentality pushed his physical and mental health. Difficult to fathom for a driver presented as laid-back as Bottas today, he was the stark opposite more than a decade ago.

The 36-year-old, now racing for Cadillac, made his Grand Prix debut in 2013 for Williams, who at the time were a midfield outfit ahead of their leap into front-running contention the following year, when the hybrid turbo power units entered the sport.

“I was the most boring F1 driver in the world. Sometimes I’ll be on YouTube and I’ll come across an old interview with me. It’s horrifying. I am not saying anything. Just talking about the car, like a robot,” said Bottas of his former self.

“Back then, my entire identity was racing. I did not give a damn about anything else. It’s not a problem until it’s a problem.

“And in 2014, it became a big problem.”

Bottas went on to detail a radical weight-loss obsession, driven by the car needing to be as light as possible in 2014 due to the heavier power units that replaced the much nimbler, naturally aspirated V8 engines.

“But yeah….. Basically, I started starving myself.

“It started with a simple diet. After my rookie season, we went on winter break, and the Williams team was predicting an overweight car for 2014. This was back when there was no seat-plus-driver weight minimum, so the team suggested that I lose five kilos. If you put a clear goal like that in front of me, I am going to obsess over it.

“When you tell me five kilos in two months, my brain thinks, “Five? Why not 10? We can make the car even quicker.”

“After two months of spiralling, my nerves were shot. I would wake up at 4 o’clock in the morning on my own, no alarm. My heart would be beating out of my chest. I’d have all this energy, and I’d think, “This is so great. I have so much extra time in the day to do all my training.”

“I was like a drug addict. “I’ve never felt better!” Ha. Completely delusional. The actual reason I was waking up so early was that my body was in starvation mode.”

The Finn then detailed how an observation from his psychologist — whom he started seeing following the tragic crash at Suzuka in 2014 that later claimed Jules Bianchi’s life — made Bottas realise that his “whole identity was the car” and that nothing else brought him joy.

“I remember flying back home from Japan, and we all knew that the situation was really bad, and that Jules was in a coma. I was sitting on the plane, and it just felt like nothing mattered to me anymore. I remember my ex-girlfriend texting me wishing me a safe flight, and I just thought, If the plane goes down, who cares? I will disappear and it will be over,” continued Bottas.

“When I was back home, I was just so angry and negative about everything, and I remember my ex asking me if I ever worry when I’m in the car, because it’s so dangerous. I said, “No. If I die, I die.””

It was fascinating, too, reading Bottas recount his time at Mercedes, whom he joined in 2017 following the shock retirement of Nico Rosberg at the end of the preceding season after winning his one and only world championship.

Driving for the best team on the grid and alongside the best driver in Lewis Hamilton pushed Bottas back into that “obsessive” mindset.

“To this day, I have complicated feelings about it. I don’t know how to answer when people ask me about it, because Lewis is an incredible driver and a friend. I have no bad blood with Mercedes or Toto or anyone. But the whole situation almost made me walk away from the sport.

“The old me came back. The negative Valtteri. The obsessive Valtteri. I was reading too many comments on social media, and I started to become very self-loathing. (Finns have a special talent for this.) Thankfully, I had the tools from my experience in 2014 to understand what was happening, and I had plenty of support.”

A winless 2018 season was then followed by back-to-back campaigns in which he finished runner-up in the championship behind his seven-time world champion teammate, Hamilton, before being replaced in 2022 by George Russell and spending three seasons at Alfa Romeo/Sauber.

“I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the past few years. I grew the moustache. The mini-mullet. I found a lot of interests outside of racing,” Bottas said of the new identity he formed toward the tail end of his spell with Sauber, prior to spending a year out of F1 in 2025.

“I started saying whatever I felt, and not what people wanted to hear. I finally found some balance in my life, and I can honestly say that in 2026, I am the happiest I’ve ever been, and I am the best driver I’ve ever been,” he said on returning to the sport with the new Cadillac team.

“I feel so much gratitude to be able to write this new chapter with Cadillac. It’s so amazing to be able to build something from the ground up. Everything about this team is refreshing. It’s like a firework of positivity. Coming into work every day is a pleasure. And that is so rare in this world of F1. This is just the beginning of our journey, and that’s what is so exciting to me.

“I can honestly say that coming back to Melbourne for the opening race this season was the most special moment of my entire career. Even more special than my first race. I think back then I was too nervous to even enjoy it. At Melbourne this year, I was actually taking it all in during the anthems. I was looking at the other 21 drivers all lined up, and it felt like Christmas Eve.”

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Written by

Jawad Yaqub

An eCommerce Specialist by day and reporting on F1 by night. Jawad is passionate about motorsport, having provided accredited F1 coverage for more than a decade. Live blogging (almost) every grand prix too since 2014, as well as articles on the Supercars Championship. Also keen on sustainability, photography, collecting vinyl, (trying to) expertly barbeque and learning to Dad.

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